kaysen (2 yr old): does he have a black nose?

*as michael jackson comes on the tv*

resentment kills a fool. and envy slays the simple.

“

—

job 5:2

cody: sarah.. do u know whats creepy?

me: alice?
cody: NO. do u know those big fucking cans?
mom: *looks at him like wth?*

*turning tv volume down*

me: MOM STOP!
mom: it seems so loud
me: yeah because ur sons twice as loud
cody: MOM CAN I BITCH SLAP HER?